If that was your dad, he is hot
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
