Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
