my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize