you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
third nipple confirmed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
