Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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