Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
