we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She bit a glass in half.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
