At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
