i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
