arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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