how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
