it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
