I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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