Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
