Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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