I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
