I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
