I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
