So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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