YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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