Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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