the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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