Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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