There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
