im drinking this country out of the recession.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
