I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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