I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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