He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
