i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
