So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize