This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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