Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
