ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize