She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
