i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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