lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
should my penis look like a turkey
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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