she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
