I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
