I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
