Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
