when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
