he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
