Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
