I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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