i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
