Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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