im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
