it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
