...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I looked at my own cervix.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
