Who wears a wallet chain?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
