Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize