I puked a lego.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
