Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
