the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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