I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just invented taco cereal.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
