i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
