im six kinds of drunk right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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