WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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