with your own penis?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
