I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
