Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
