well I can't set my house on fire every night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
