yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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