fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
