haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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