I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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