I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
