Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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