I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
